Do you have the right to transfer your stress to your kids and family?

Do you have the right to transfer your stress to your kids and family?

Shared via AddThis

Giving equal time to each child, be a fair parent

The hardest thing when you are a working parent with 2 kids or more is to give each child the same time, to find a balance how to be fair to each child.

As our son was born with strabismus and went through multiple surgeries, we spent the first 6 years of his little life running from a doctor's office to another, bringing him to his physiotherapist, to his weekly activities, helping with the homework.

When our little girl was born, (by then, our son turned 6), we had to adjust our time as to give her some time.

The first year of her life, my wife nursed her, fed her, and changed her. I had just the time to give her bath because I did not find a balance between my job, my son's activities.

But as she turned one, and she began to crawl, walk, shout, I realized that I needed to give her more time that I needed to take care of her, play with her. I realized that this little tiny baby needed my attention as much as her brother...

So here some of the things we did that helped me spend more time with my daughter: when I went roller-blading with my son, I put my daughter in the stroller and roller-blade with her. She loved that. My wife came with us but from time to time, she stayed home getting some rest. It did her good.

When I brought our son to the physiotherapist, my daughter came with me. There is a swimming pool in the facilities; she loved watching the kids swimming....

The most important thing that helped me spend some time with my daughter as much as with my son and my wife is by doing activities together. It is as simple as having dinner at the same time, going for a walk, go the grocery store together.

Is your toddler difficult to discipline? Is he arguing and mad about anything? Don’t worry it's just a phase...

My daughter will turn 2 shortly and she’s showing her personality. Every action leads to a negotiation, from sitting on the table to changing the diaper.

Today she refused to change her diaper, so I had to make her choose between that and the bed. It worked and it was really funny.

I've read earlier this week an article about the toddlers' behavior from the age of 18 months to 3 years.

The author, a pedo-psychiatrist, said that at this age they become conscious of their environment and they would like to make themselves a place.

So, don't be mad if your kid is not listening to you. Even if he says some words that might heart your feelings, he really doesn't mean it, it's just a phase.

Here are tips on how to deal with this temper that I tried and worked for me:


1. Be aware that your baby is not mean to you, he just doesn't know how to express himself properly.

2. Without ignoring his crises, don't overreact (don’t laugh, don't put him down or be mad).

3. Don't isolate the child or punish him.

4. Don't give him what he wants; otherwise he will feel that what he did is working.

5. After the crises, hold him and tell him how much you love him. You will just make him realize that his behavior didn’t help him geting what he wants.

6. Avoid confrontation or turning him off systematically. Negotiate with him and give him choices or conditions. This helps developing his autonomy.

We’re in the potty training phase with our daughter. It is complicated just because of the natural resistance of this age.

At the very beginning, we tried rewording with stickers; it worked for a while and then stopped. We tried to push her and, she just rejected it completely.

Most recently we made the potty, a fun moment. Each time she goes to the potty, we read her one of  Dora's books.

We're not there yet, but it seems like working.
I think that the most important is to understand that your baby loves you and doesn’t mean to challenge your authority. It is about him and not about you. At his age his vocabulary is not developed enough to express himself properly. So be calm and help him understand what he needs to do to get what he wants. I believe that if you succeed, you will be raising a fantastic kid.